truth in advertising...and other stuff I've messed up

I got frustrated...and I yelled. And she got more frustrated and she cried harder, which just made me angrier.

Twenty-four hours after that last post, talking about how God slapped me upside the head with my impatience, I can tell you that I am still a work in progress.
I messed up today.
Royally.
I don't understand why some days are worse than others. I wonder if it may have something alot to do with hormones - if you know what I mean. At least that's what I'm blaming it on.
But its not an excuse.
Sigh.
It all started with Anya.
Anya, my wonderful, easy-going, eager-to-please, saint of a daughter.
For some reason she is the one that sets me off the quickest.
Why is that?
Anyway...
We were sitting down to do homework after school (recurring theme, ya think?!) and she shut down on me. Completely.
When Anya gets frustrated with homework, she shuts down, starts to cry and is absolutely non-productive for a good-long time.
Usually, I'll send her to bed to cry it out. What point is there in telling her not to cry? It only makes it worse. So I make her sit in there until she gets control of herself and can come out with a happy face.
Today I didn't do that. I made it worse.
I got frustrated right along with her.
There is something I learned about Anya a long time ago.
WE. ARE. EXACTLY. ALIKE.
We are both overly emotional...and easily set off. Except when she gets frustrated she cries...when I get frustrated, I yell.
Yea. Great, I know.
So I got frustrated...and I yelled. And she got more frustrated and she cried harder, which just made me angrier.
Pretty, huh?
I told her she was sitting at that kitchen table until she figured it out. If it meant she missed supper, so-be-it. If it meant she missed her nightly episode of Hannah Montana, better still. She was sitting at that table until she could figure it out.
It didn't work.
I refused to give her the answer...I tried explaining the homework a million times, but in heat of our frustration, we couldn't communicate any better than Maddie and I could a year ago.
She wasn't listening to me.
And I certainly wasn't being patience with her.
After an hour and a half (YES! AN HOUR AND A HALF!) I finally told her to start writing the sentence with Sally. That's all I gave her...the first word.
Thirty-seconds later she was done.
I don't know which was worse. The fact that she sat there for an hour and a half crying, or that once she had one word she finished it so quickly.
OOOOH I was hopping mad! She could have finished it that quickly 75 minutes ago!
I sent her to her room and sat down on the couch to cool off.
It didn't work.
It was another 30 minutes before I got to the point where I could actually TALK to her without yelling.
Finally, we sat down and had a nice, long chat.
I explained what made me so frustrated. I told her I was wrong. I explained that she needed to control herself in a better way as well.
And then I asked for her to forgive me.
My beautiful, sweet, kind-hearted, gentle-spirited daughter generously did.
I'm thankful for several things.
First, that I'm not a mean yeller. I just yell. I am VERY conscious of what I'm saying...I make a point of never saying bad about my children as individuals. I just wish I could take a lot of the emotion out of it. It still doesn't do her (or anyone else) any good.

I'm so thankful for forgiveness.
That my daughter offers hers.
And that my Heavenly Father does too.
And I'm thankful that tomorrow is another day. I plan on getting plenty of rest tonight, taking some St. John's Wart (to see if it helps) and if absolutely necessary...
leaving tomorrow's homework until Shad gets home! ;>)

the price of peace

How could I teach them to love the LORD and hope that they'll WANT to go to church every Sunday, if every experience they remember from their childhood is a nagging, yelling, angry episode?

Why are Sundays mornings always like this?
Last Sunday I argued with the kids from the time they woke up, all the way through breakfast, getting them dressed, brushing their teeth, combing their hair and walking out the door.
Actually, we argued in the van and up until the point where we opened the doors of church.
Thank goodness we stopped there!
Yea. Godly attitude, I know.
'But God,' I argued with the Almighty (like you have a CHANCE of EVER winning one of those!) 'I'm supposed to raise them to be responsible adults. I'm supposed to teach them to go to church every Sunday no matter what...and with the right attitude.'
'Uhhhh-hmmmm....,' He seemed to say.
Aaaaaahhhh...that's it, right there, isn't it? How could I teach them to love the LORD and hope that they'll WANT to go to church every Sunday, if every experience they remember from their childhood is a nagging, yelling, angry mom?
As if He hadn't pricked my conscious enough about it, God had Pastor smack me upside the head with this set of verses...

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. - Ephesians 4:1-3

Peace.
Hmmmm...that was certainly lacking, wasn't it?
And who's fault was it?
Mine.
Its not that I don't have a responsibility to bring my children to church, place in them in a position to learn about God and teach them about the attitude we need to approach it with...
But I also need to teach them about humility, gentleness and patience. Lessons I sure wasn't teaching by example.
When he mentioned the point about patience Shad nudged me in the ribs.
Alright, already! I get it. I don't have any patience. Its not like you're telling me anything new.
But indeed He was.
God is not only looking for patience. He's looking for long-suffering. ..the kind of patience mentioned in I Corinthians 13:4

"Love is patient, love is kind...."

The word patient here is a Greek word derived from Makrothumos which means 'not to lose heart; to be long-suffering, slow to anger, slow to punish. The same word used in Ephesians 4.
While Ephesians 4 is directed at Christians and how we deal with each other. I think the same can be applied to me as a mom.
I have a tendency to get irritated and angered easily and I can't always pinpoint why. Taking a deeper look I realize it mostly caused by my desire for perfection.
On Sunday mornings I would love to have perfect looking children, arriving in a perfect looking vehicle, with the perfect countenance upon our faces ready to come face to face with God.
Instead my need for perfection just leaves me frustrated when kids aren't doing much more than messing around on Sundays and coming to me ready for church in a dirty pair of jeans and crumpled up shirt from the bottom of their closet!
The truth is, God's not worried about how they look.
What concerns Him is my attitude. He has chosen me to be Christ's representative on earth...a representative to the world...but more importantly, an 'ambassador' to these four precious children.
In Ephesians, Paul is challenging me to live a life worthy of what God has called me to do...the awesome privilege of being called a child of God...and mom to four of his most beautiful creations.
And that job description needs to include being humble, gentle patient, understanding and peaceful.
My kids are watching me. The question is can they see Christ in me?
No one is ever going to be perfect here on earth...least of all me. But the Father's patience with me is long-suffering...never-ending. Don't I owe my kids that same kind of patience?
I'm not saying I need to back off and become buddies with my kids. My job is still to parent. They will have all kinds of friends in their lives, but they will only have one set of parents. Well, two, if you count their birth parents, but what I'm saying is, I don't have to fight them tooth and nail.

Do I really need to nag Nick about slipping on his shoes instead of tying them? Is it really worth the battle to try and convince Anya that her summer dress isn't appropriate for the dead of winter...especially when natural consequences will teach her soon enough? What about rushing the kids around so that they can eat breakfast? If they don't eat, they starve until lunch, I bet they won't do it twice.
And isn't it more important that we get to church in the right frame of mind so we can ALL be spiritually fed?
I imagine the Father thinks so.
So here's what He's taught me this week. I need to remember...

• Perfection exists only in God. We need to love him and each other, not the visions we have for perfection here on earth.
• Anger doesn't bring about the righteous life God desires.
• Paul says 'make every effort' because its going to take some work.
• Rather than dwelling on my children's weaknesses, I need to pray for them.
• Relationship building is one of Holy Spirit's jobs. He leads, but we have to be willing to follow and to do our part. To do that, I need to focus on God, not myself.